I'm not sure what affected my day. I think it might have just been a general mood over the office. In fact, it should have been an awesome day! I got to work with 2 letters and a surprise package on my desk! Letters from some family friends and 1 from my Gramma, then the package, which was LLBean, could only have been from my mom. She sent me a shirt that I had mentioned I was wanting. SO SWEET and completely unexpected!!!!! It really made me happy :)
In my 2SAP class, we were going over the test and doing some review of concepts they struggled with, and some test corrections. However, only 1 student (out of 3) was in class. It was actually good, since we got everything done and still had time to talk a little. Unfortunately, I learned a lesson about being a teacher. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your kids won't love you. Charlotte, the 1 student in class, told me that Kelly and Rachel (other students) had said that I was "bad teacher" (which could be translated as mean - that I make them do their work, or bad - don't teach well). I am going to assume, coming from 7-8 year olds, it's the former. And to top it off, I remember the incident. In fact, it's happened multiple times. They speak Korean, I tell them to speak English, and they innocently look at me and say "Teacher, we were saying you are so nice! So good!" and give me thumbs up. Wow, what a lie.
No matter how old the students are, no matter how annoying they can be, it still sucks to hear that your efforts at being a good teacher, even secretly hoping to be a favorite, the cool one, have gone to waste. I especially like this class, since there is only 3, I can get to know them better. Plus, I see them every day. And to hear that they don't like me hurt a little. Yes, they are immature. Yes, they judge quality based on how many stamps I give them and how much homework I assign. But I still wished they liked me.
I think this is (probably) something every teacher has to deal with at some point. Sometime during a teaching career, no matter how great of a teacher you are, some kid won't like you. And you just have to realize that it does not matter. By this, I don't mean you shouldn't feel bad or ignore it. But, understand fully and completely that you are not their friend. You are not paid to be their favorite. There is no value in gaining their admiration. No profit from being "cool". You are from different sides of the "tracks" even. It's not like you are in different cliques, you are completely different species. So, after a few minutes of being hurt, I had a moment to swallow this truth. It did affect my mood, but I'm happy to say I'm not torn up about it. It's just something I had to realize and work through in my brain.
Well, that was a growing moment. I've definitely been aware of how I am judged and perceived within my various social settings. I worry too much if I am liked, and I will readily admit that. I don't like thinking (and hate knowing) that someone doesn't like me. But, I worked through this particular situation, I'm happy to say.
When I got off work, the walk home was actually cold. Not just nice, cool, fall breeze. It was goosebumps, can't relax my shoulders for being bunched up with my arms wrapped around as tight as they can go - cold. I am definitely going to start taking a jacket to school. Speaking of which, this morning my mom emailed me a Lands End coupon for 40% off. She totally watches out for me. I ordered a down coat, which is right at knee-length (maybe a little above). I got ivory color, since black is so harsh, and I felt it would still match everything I could wear with it. I am so excited to get it in! Until then, my worn out wool/wishes-it-was-wool jackets will have to make do. Hopefully the true winter doesn't hit until December!
I stopped off at the small grocery store near me and got fresh eggs and some potatoes and various cooking sauces and spices. I have this little crockpot and I'm determined to use it tomorrow with some chicken. But I need something to cook it with, so I grabbed some things to experiment with.
Oh, one last thing, I am very proud of myself because I invited 2 of my coworkers to get their hair cut with me at the salon I am going to on Saturday. They've been trying to get it done, but it hasn't worked out. But, they agreed! I know it might sound lame, but it's the small stuff! The fact that I invited my coworkers to do something, and they said yes, and I'm being outgoing and attempting to be a friend: well, this is another step in the right direction. :)