Introspection

There are so many weddings happening back home these days. The combined forces of getting older, and being away from everyone, makes it seem that everyone I know is getting engaged or married right now. Of course, it's not actually everyone. But it's a lot. And it kind of emphasizes to me a bit how I've been feeling lately (which actually doesn't have much to do with weddings...)

Maybe you noticed, maybe I told you, maybe you have no idea. But, Michael and I broke up in January. I haven't publicized it for various reasons, but it happened and I suppose I have to talk about it at some point. Out of respect, and privacy, I won't go into everything here. But, it was as good a break up as any. We did everything right in our relationship, it just didn't work out. That being said...

I have had an amazing last 2 months or so. Erin and I were hanging out all the time, I was remembering how it felt to be really free and independent. Of course, I've been technically independent since August 22. But, I've always felt strings tied to my heart back in America. Not being in a relationship has freed those mental and emotional bindings, allowing me to truly embrace my situation here in Korea.

Primarily, going to China was such an amazing experience. I was very freshly single, only a few weeks, and it was a really great kick start. I really recognized what I want in life, the person I want to be, the things I want to do. I enjoyed so much the feeling of "anything is possible!"

After China, realizing that I do want to continue teaching here in Asia, was so exciting. And still is exciting! I am so happy to be actively working towards securing an even better position for next year. In fact, I am working on a 150hr TESOL certification now! All these positive and motivating things are happening and it's so exciting.

But that's all big picture. There is still all the day-to-day small things. And those can definitely wear me down. Now that Erin is gone, I feel more alone than ever. When things with Michael ended, at least I had an amazing friend to support me and encourage me to see things in the best light possible. I honestly believe that she was vitally important to my success in Korea thus far. And, now she's gone. I miss her more than I thought I would. Work feels empty without her cracking jokes next to me. Walking home feels like we're missing someone. And weekends feel ... well, boring without her.

I genuinely really like Meghan, the new teacher. She is great. But, I just don't think anyone can replace Erin... :(

This weekend has been beautiful. Weather was gorgeous today; it got up to 73! Incredible. I am actually thankful it will dip back down to the 50s this week. I'm not ready for HOT weather yet! I am actually really enjoying the "cool" (not cold!). I visited Heather & Co on the base and picked up some stuff I ordered from LandsEnd and Amazon. Got some great new wardrobe updates, and also hot rollers for my hair (which I now consider "medium-long" length!).

When I got home, I busied myself with cleaning. I've been doing that a lot lately. That's my 'tell' of when I'm feeling out of control of something. I clean EVERYTHING. And this weekend it's been bad! Well, I guess it's good for my apartment. But, I didn't really do much of note. And I hate that! I want to make the MOST of every day (especially weekends!) but, I don't really want to do anything. I guess I'm a bit depressed without Erin here!

Tomorrow is Sunday and I will go to church. I am loving my new church, Onnuri English Ministry. I meet so many interesting people and it's such a great service. But, other than church, I really want to do something else. Since it was so beautiful today, if the weather continues, I think I want to go to a park. Being a teacher makes me miss being a kid; a park is a great place to reminisce, etc. I just want to enjoy the weekend FULLY.

This coming week should be interesting. I've got a couchsurfer that will be staying with me Mon-Fri. She is from NYC and so far, the communication we've had online, she seems awesome! I am excited to have a distraction from work and life without my best friend. Friday night, I think we will go to an international party in Itaewon with some coworkers. I am really looking forward to that. I think my favorite thing in Korea is meeting new people. It reminds me that the world is such a big place, but small at the same time. And that it's important to take advantage of the place I'm at: the 4th largest city in the world.

Anyway, I guess I better get some sleep. If I want to fully enjoy my Sunday, I'd better get up at a decent time!